And though it hurts to say goodbye

You may have noticed that I have been gone the last few weeks. My father fell ill. And of course between hospital visits and tending to my mother this blog was not a priority. And last week, he took a turn for the worse and passed away. This was unexpected, even with his illness, a nasty auto-immune disorder, we were told to expect 3-5 years, and the day he passed, they were getting ready to release him. In short, it was a shock.

As you can imagine, I have been reeling. Being close to your parents is a double-edged sword.  I had 28 years of an amazing relationship but in its absence the void is staggering.

I was reminded at his visitation, but several of his friends that of all the things he loved about me, most, perhaps was my artistic drive. As one said, “don’t stop writing…” and even my father is his last months told me I was the artist he always wanted to be.  So after a week and a half of sitting around crying and mopping, I’m going to do what I do best, carry on and increase my drive to get my art out there in memory of my father with of course a good mingling of crying and mopping in between.

And because I think this is appropriate:

Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.

-Mary Elizabeth Frye
Love ya daddy.

28 comments on “And though it hurts to say goodbye

  1. I am so terribly sorry for your loss. It sounds like your dad was a big inspiration to you. He will live on through your writing, your heart and of course, the many memories you shared.

  2. I’m very sorry for your loss. Having also lost my parents (Dad in 2009 and Mom two years ago), I found writing helped me work through the pain. In fact, I had several people express their thanks for writing what they, too, had felt. To honor your dad, and to help heal, please keep writing.



  3. I admire your courage and strength. Focusing on your art at this time makes perfect sense to me. When we experience grief, it makes all the other emotions even more intense. Pour everything into your creative process and watch your father come to life in your writing. I am truly sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing this story.

  4. A beautiful poem, which I hope gives you some comfort at this time. That your father wished you to go on being an artist is one of the greatest gifts he could leave you with. Take heart, be strong, and write for him the way he’d want you to.

  5. I lost my father in 2008, and although I still miss him and think of him every day, the ache has transformed into a well of warm memories that comfort me and give me strength. The things you love and respect in him are alive in you. Draw on them in your work, share them, pass them down, and you’ll give him eternal life.

  6. Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. This is by far the hardest thing that I have gone through, but I know that my father is watching over me, and the best way to honor him is by carrying on. 🙂

  7. That poem also gave me comfort when I needed it. And it’s absolutely true. I hope the good memories you have eventually dull the pain of this loss.

  8. I’m so very sorry to hear of your loss, especially when it was so sudden. I wish you well and send love to your heart, may you treasure the wonderful memories you have of your father and his support for your creativity.

  9. I know this post is a few months old, but I hope the memories you have of your dad comfort you whenever you’re reminded of him. I lost my only grandma a couple of weeks back so thank you for sharing this beautiful poem.

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